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Tuesday, December 6th, 2005
7:37 pm - Beauty with ...........Pain
Just because i changed screen names doesn't me i have changed. I tried so hard to forget cleo1901 and everything that happened. SO i created highway49 thinking i could start over agian and make everything right. I was wrong VERY VERY wrong. You can not change who you are once you become that person.
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I realized that you can lose someone just as quick as they were yours. I realized that nothing is garunteed. So take nothing for granted because you can lose it. Tomarrow isn't promised, Today isn't over, And yesterday is too late.
I found myself almost in tears today because i realized i could lose someone very speacial to me. They have a heart problem the extent of it i don't know. But i find myself always worrid about her. It scared me today when we where talking and she touched her heart i wanted to cry. Nothing was wrong with her and she did it unknowingly but i was scared for her life just like that. I had a billion things running trough my head that i wanted to say to her. I felt like my heart hit the floor. And for a brief second the world stoped and everything went black. It scared me so bad. So i told her she probley thinks i am over reacting or crazzy or something but i am sure someone will understand. This whole thing made me realize just how much i care for those around me. And how much i depend on them to get me trough.

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WAKE UP CALL

:)

God bless--Chloe

current mood: i thought i lost you

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Friday, December 2nd, 2005
12:17 am
hey i got a new account on here this one had to many bad memories SO my new account is

highway49 :) i will update on that LJ now

god bless-Chloe

current mood: accomplished

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Wednesday, November 30th, 2005
12:00 pm - If this isn't the end...why do i feel like it's over???
A diary to keep all of my secrets,
A way to relieve my pain,
A pen to write down my feelings inside,
As thoughts of you are all I gain.

A best friend who was always there,
To help me through my thoughts,
A shoulder to cry on every day,
When these tears always come lots.

A memory of you and all the lies,
A fake smile to please a friend,
A notebook filled with thought out words,
Of how I can possibly mend.

A word to cleverly deceive,
A promise u already break,
A lie said here and there,
Is more than I can take.

A poem to explain everything,
A life of yours I just can't understand,
A heart that's been so broken,
No one to lend a helping hand.

A house to now go home to,
A broken memory is all that remain,
A girl who's trapped in her own thoughts,
In her mind there's nothing left but anger and pain.

Then I look around,
I've come back to reality,
A tear streams down my lonely cheek,
Revealing the painful life of me...



This is why i shut my shelf off from people. This is why i don't let anyone in. My fear seems to live agian. This time in those around me. I feel awful....I screamed at her. I lost my temper...but she crossed a line. Still thats no reason for my actions.

I find myself becomming more distant from my friends...the real qouestion is will they be there when i return? Will they wait for me? I am affraid not. My dad says they will just have to understand. He says if they are true friends they will be there for me. So i guess we will see right?

i am falling apart....i want to give up but that isn't an opption(spl).

Someone out there has it worse than me though so i am just going to keep praying things get better for everyone.

God bless-Cleo



What If

What if God couldn't take the time to bless us today because we couldn't take the time to thank Him yesterday?

What if God decided to stop leading us tomorrow because we didn't follow Him today?

What if we never saw another flower bloom because we grumbled when God sent the rain?

What if God didn't walk with us today because we failed to recognize it as His day?

What if God took away his messge because we failed to listen to the messenger?

What if God didn't send His only begotten Son because He wanted us to be prepared to pay the price for sin?

What if the door tof the church was closed because we did not open the door of our heart?

What if God stopped loving a caring for us because we failed to love and care for others?

What if God would not hear us today because we would not listen to him yesterday?

What if God answered our prayers the way we answer His call to service?

What if God met our needs the way we give Him our lives?

current mood: guilty

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Tuesday, November 29th, 2005
3:30 pm - Your putting my heart togther...only problem is you using a hammer and nails...
You helped some....you hurt some.

I do not care about your boyfriend i could care less less who you go out with as long is he doesn't hurt you. That is NOT why i got mad today. I got mad because you crossed a line---------- Yesterday i went looking for open arms....i felt like i ran into a cold wall. Please do not talk to me if all you have to tell me is what i am dong wrong. Do not say anything about it unless you know the whole situation. Put yourself in my shoes...i hope you never have to stand in them.

Next thing on the list...all you people who complain because you think your parents are hard on you or you don't get to do something...SHUT UP!!! Next time you go to complain that your life is SO hard think someone out there has it A LOT worse than you. Next time you go to complain because you think your parents are hard on you thank the lucky stars you have 2 parents that love you enough to care how you do in life.
Some of you need to understand there are kids out there who live on the streets because they don't have a family. They would kill to have what you have...STOP FEELING SORRY FOR YOURSELF.

Last, those of you who don't have parents or have a ruff life...God is your father and he will never leave you. Never lose faith in him he will see you trough...

put yourself in the other persons shoes before you say you know them....

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current mood: stressed

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Monday, November 28th, 2005
9:42 pm - The sadest song i ahve ever heard...it touched my heart....
Hello God, it's me again. 2:00 a.m., Room 304
Visiting hours are over, time for our bedside tug of war.
This sleeping child between us may not make it through the night.
I'm fighting back the tears as she fights for her life.
Well, it must be kind of crowded,
On the streets of Heaven.
So tell me: what do you need her for?
Don't you know one day she'll be your little girl forever.
But right now I need her so much more.
She's much too young to be on her own;
Barely just turned seven.
So who will hold her hand when she crosses the streets of Heaven?

Tell me God, do you remember the wishes that she made,
As she blew out the candles on her last birthday cake?
She wants to ride a pony when she'd big enough.
She wants to marry her Daddy when she's all grown up.

Well, it must be kind of crowded,
On the streets of Heaven.
So tell me: what do you need her for?
Don't you know one day she'll be your little girl forever.
But right now I need her so much more.
She's much too young to be on her own;
Barely just turned seven.
So who will hold her hand when she crosses the streets of Heaven?

Lord, don't you know she's my angel
You got plenty of your own
And I know you hold a place for her
But she's already got a home
Well I don't know if you're listenin'
But praying is all that's left to do
So I ask you Lord have mercy, you lost a son once too

And it must be kind of crowded,
On the streets of Heaven.
So tell me: what do you need her for?
Don't you know one day she'll be your little girl forever.
But right now I need her so much more.
Lord, I know once you've made up your mind,
There's no use in beggin'.
So if you take her with you today, will you make sure she looks both ways,
And would you hold her hand when she crosses the streets of Heaven.

The streets of Heaven.





wow...that is a really sad song...put yourself in the mom's shoes before you speak so fast...before you critisise her for not beliveing God has a plan(witch she never said) put your self in her shoes....all that pain the feeling she might lose her daughter...

I think we forget that before we talk we should ask what we would do in that situation. To many of you are to quick to give advice and not enough of you take time to open your arms and close your mouth.

just think about it...

love-Panky

current mood: indescribable

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5:21 pm
today wasn't a great day...i thik i messed up with one of my best friends..::bangs head agianst the wall::...i am an iddiot....thanks to Emily my day got a little better....thank you for that song...

everyone has there own way of dealing with the lose of someone they are close to. I guess my way was to shut everyone out...i know it isn't fair...but how do i learn to trust?

And Emily you are right i am not one to take help when it's offaird even if i know i need it. I guess the reason being is that everytime i seem to lean on anyone they let me fall....

i do trust a few people a little bit. So thats a start right...

love-Cleo

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5:16 pm - Thank you Emily....
This song is probaly what a lot of you want to say to me but don't know how....


What you don't know can lead you to the extremes
Shunning help though you feel a need
You fear to be caught limping and you lose your place
And "Leaning On The Everlasting Arm"is not your taste
Maybe you've heard stories,
Laughed at what you saw on TV
Or felt disgust as He was used as an excuse for bigotry
But I've got to tell you, that's not what it's all about
'Cause the truth I know will turn you around

Chorus
If you really knew
You would change your mind
If you knew the God I know
You would have the time
If you take a chance, I'm sure you will find
Everything you need in love of another kind

I, too, have been hurt by those who claimed to show the way


It was crazy, their two faces like night and day
But you don't stop believing 'cause you once been burned
In everything, there's a lesson learned
Man is imperfect, there is just One Perfect Soul
So much more loving than than one that you've been shown, oh
How long is it gonna take for you to realize?
I wish that you would open your eyes

Repeat Chorus

Bridge
I apologize to you,
On behalf of the untrue
Because the God I know would never do the things they do
Mercy and compassion on the right and on the left
Can you give anymore than your last breath?
Oh, too hard to see, well put your mind aside
And stop using fear to hide behind

Bridge 2
God's love is enough for you
And it's waiting, if you only knew
(Repeat)

Repeat Chorus 5X, then Bridge 2 till fade

current mood: loved

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Sunday, November 27th, 2005
5:41 pm
Your Observation Skills Get An A-

Hardly anything gets by you...
You have a great memory and eagle eyes

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3:39 pm
...........i am falling apart.....at this very moment....i can't do this anymore.

why is it my fault...WHAT DID I DO?

.............................................................................................................

do not leave a comment....i don't need advice...


"Behind this smile is everything......... you'll never understand"

current mood: numb

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10:29 am - this is fun....
1. One secret.
2. One compliment.
3. One non-compliment.
4. One short love, hate, or whatever note.
5. Lyrics to a song.
6. How long we've been friends.
7. And a hint to who you are.

Remember to make it !*anonymous*!

current mood: blank

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Saturday, November 26th, 2005
9:49 pm - Yeti...........Panky.............who knew we would be friends, thanks to the bathroom...lol
This entry is dedicated to one of my best friends. She has always been there for me…when I needed her and when I didn’t. She was there when I told her too bug off she never left my side. For this I will be forever grateful.
A friend like her only comes once in a lifetime if you’re even that lucky. Fortunately I have been blessed with many wonderful friends. However I don’t think I give this friend enough reconnection so here goes….

You’re a wonderful friend. Now you’re sort of like a big sister I look up to you. I have only respect for you. You guys who have an older brother or sister you look up too or even anyone you look up too, you know what I mean, I look to make you proud of me.
Weather I succeed is a different story lol. I know this may be hard to believe considering I make fun of you a lot. But you have to understand that is how I am.
Your might as well be family. (but who in their right mind would want to be related to me lol) ….as much as I make jokes about you …know you mean a lot to me…
So…thank you for being there when I said I didn’t need anyone but you refused to leave my side…thank you for asking me if I was ok even if you knew the answer before you asked…thank you in general for being my friend…my best friend…my hero….my “sister”…my yeti lol……….
I guess that last line gave it away lol……

So here goes this poem is for you………..


Thank you friend
How many ways
And how many times
Can I say thank you -
Forget a poem that rhymes.
You came into my life
Then changed the wrongs
And made them right.
You chased away my demons
And saved my very life.
You pulled a rainbow from the clouds
You hushed my mouth from crying out loud
Thank you is what I say to you
Thank you for a friendship so true.


It seems we really give our hearts to our friends unknowingly …..
But when we discover that we have it’s an awesome feeling knowing you have a great friend it doesn’t take a lot to make some one realize that …for me it was something as simple as falling backwards…. or stupid staring contest. It’s the little things that are big in discos(spl) …..


thanks to the bath room lol(long story ask) i met one of the best friends in my life :-)

love ya-Panky

current mood: loved

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Friday, November 25th, 2005
11:01 am
i hope today's trip goes ok. my dad is still getting ready so i figured that i would use this time to update my LJ. i am hoping i will get to ride he KLR some i really enjoyed it the last time we went on a trip witch was like 2 weeks ago. that trip was succsesful i broke my normal speed barier and hit it off at 50 the whole trail encluding conners so that was a big accomplishment for me. i also took the lead my dad said i did a good job philp said he had a hard time keeping up on conners but he doesn't ride a whole lot so he isn't the best. Christorpher is going so that means we have to go to bankhead AGIAN :( oh well that is better than nothing next weekend we are going to do that Taladaga trip that will be F-U-N :) we have to tear my bike down and re-build it tough because i am haveing carborator problems my pissten isn't hitting so i think i have to get it replaced and thats like a $50 dollar part..balh...but in the bright side i can clean my bike up some...well this is a pointless entry just to pass time and those of you who don't know alot about dirt bikes are probally really confused right about now lol so i am going to go find my bag and shove it the car so we can hit the road!

love -Panky

current mood: dorky

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Thursday, November 24th, 2005
7:21 pm - Think
When you act, in whatever manner you act in, why do you do it? Do you act based on the situation you are in, or do you act a certain way because that is just how you are? Before you run off and think you act just because that’s how you are, think about it. When someone calls you a name or says something rude to you, are you reacting the way you do because of the situation you are in right then, or are you reacting the way you do because that’s just how you are? Also, do you act based solely upon what makes you happy or what you think is best, or do you take others thoughts and opinions into regard? Do you care what I think when you act in a happy way, or do you act happy regardless of what I think? If you want to you can respond. I am not looking for answers to the questions. I want you to think. The next time you decide to be angry or snap at someone, or if you decide to avoid someone, or talk to them, or tell them something, or whatever you may do (whether you can mention it in mixed company or not) think WHY you are acting that way, and what is making you act that way and not the total opposite. Are you one of those people that thinks crap happens to them and the world is after you, or are you one of those people that thinks you control what happens to you, and how you look at things determines your life? Just think about it, I'm sure this post makes not a bit of sense, but see if you can figure it out :D

current mood: crushed

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10:54 am - Don't let your accomplishments go to your head, and don't let your failures go to your heart
I haven’t updated in awhile…well a few days, but for me that’s a while. Life is life…. We didn’t have school yesterday so my dad and me worked on our dirt bikes we’re trying to get them together for our Talladega trip on Friday. I guess that’ll be fun…. I get to spend 4 hours driving there with my dad’s brother, Philip my dad’s best friend and possibly Philips son Christopher. I am not convinced that Christopher is ready for the Talladega tracks, they are sort of hard and he could barley handle the bank head trails. It should be entertaining to watch. It’s pretty bad when I can out run him on a 1989 Honda NX 125 when he is on a 2001 KLR 250 lol.

Today is thanks giving the only thing I am looking forward to is the turkey. I don’t really care for being around all those people. You know those weird aunts who pinch you cheeks and tell you how cute you are. Then they get lipstick all over you face then they have to get it off with a tissue…. I HATE IT!! Or what about all those grandpa’s who sit around the table and make everyone listen to their old war stories. I don’t mind that. What I find most entertaining is when my older cousins get into fights over the last bread roll. THE JOY’S OF FAMILY! : )

Speaking of family…friends…I am realizing I am not so good at this whole friendship trust thing. Or maybe I am just not good at this friendship thing. Maybe in time it will work it’s self out.

I have a question for someone. Why when you meet a guy you see past all his flaws, but when you look at yourself you ONLY see flaws? Guys are NOT everything I wish all you girls would learn that. Who really cares if you have a boyfriend or not? AND WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO LIKE SOMEONE? Why can’t we just like no one and be happy? ….ok well lets end that subject before I get started.

What we see depends mainly on what we look for. - John Lubbock


I will leave you all with this wise but daring truth that we all tend to over look.


We can't discover the oceans unless we have the courage to lose sight
of the land.


Love-Panky

current mood: geeky

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Monday, November 21st, 2005
10:13 pm - :-( why ?? :-(
"I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow"



"Then I realized she had lied
When I was little she would tell me
That she would never leave
See what I got for believing her
Look where she left me"

current mood: i hit the ground....agian

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Saturday, November 19th, 2005
7:42 pm - It's otay panky......
True friendship comes when silence between two people is comfortable.
--Dave Tyson Gentry


Friendship is a great thing, a one of a kind treasure. One I am just now learning the value of. It seems every minute I spend with them (my friends) I realize how great they are and how lucky I am. On Saturday I spent like 6 hours with some of my friends. One I came to realize was a one of a kind friend. Those once in a life time one of a kind special people. I actually trusted someone to catch me when I fell backwards. And to my surprise they caught me, I didn’t hit the floor (for the FIRST time) I know this sounds stupid but that was a BIG step for me!! I actually trust this person more than I did before and a lot more than anyone else right now. (One small step for friendship, one GIANT leap for Chloe) but WOW I feel a lot closer to this person!! Who would have thought something that little would make such a BIG difference? To that person thank you a lot!

I had a lot of fun. Jacob come over it was awesome. Christina laughs wired lol. Christina and I attempted to play football with Justin, it didn’t go so well. Allison was Allison….that’s cool.


We ate A LOT!! lol

I am excited Jacob’s wrestling match is soon. I can’t wait.

Well that’s about it ….oh I almost forgot….WAR EGALE!! WE BEAT BAMA 28-18 I THINK.

Allison + Yeti + Jacob + football + food=FUN!!!!

LoVe Ya’LL –Cleo God bless

p.s.

I am finally comfortable with trusting someone :-) BE PROUD …I am over coming my worst fear but, I do believe this person won’t leave me like those before them. At least I hope not

current mood: I TRUST SOMEONE FINALLY!!

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Friday, November 18th, 2005
6:20 am - The World Is A Puzzle
There was a man who had a little boy that he loved very much. Everyday after work the man would come home and play with the little boy. He would always spend all of his extra time playing with the little boy.

One night, while the man was at work, he realized that he had extra work to do for the evening, and that he wouldn't be able to play with his little boy. But, he wanted to be able to give the boy something to keep him busy. So, looking around his office, he saw a magazine with a large map of the world on the cover. He got an idea. He removed the map, and then patiently tore it up into small pieces. Then he put all the pieces in his coat pocket.

When he got home, the little boy came running to him and was ready to play. The man explained that he had extra work to do and couldn't play just now, but he led the little boy into the dining room, and taking out all the pieces of the map, he spread them on the table. He explained that it was a map of the world, and that by the time he could put it back together, his extra work would be finished, and they could both play. Surely this would keep the child busy for hours, he thought.

About half an hour later the boy came to the man and said, "Okay, it's finished. Can we play now.?"

The man was surprised, saying, "That's impossible. Let's go see." And sure enough, there was the picture of the world, all put together, every piece in it's place.

The man said, "That's amazing ! How did you do that ?" The boy said, "It was simple. On the back of the page was a picture of a man. When I put the man together the whole world fell into place."


The moral to this story being: Do not try a put the world togther so it makes sence to you, untill you yourself know whom you are. The rest of the world will fall into it's place.

love ya tonz-cleo

current mood: accomplished

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Thursday, November 17th, 2005
6:49 am - piece of cake
A little boy is telling his grandma how everything is going wrong.....school, family problems, severe health problems, etc. Meanwhile, Grandma is baking a cake. She asks her grandson if he would like a snack,which, of course, he does.

"Here, have some cooking oil."

"Yuck" says the boy.

"How about a couple raw eggs?"

"Gross, Grandma!"

"Would you like some flour then? Or maybe baking soda?"

"Grandma, those are all yucky!"

"Yes, all those things seem bad all by themselves, but when they are put together in the right way, they make a wonderfully delicious cake!

God works the same way. Many times we wonder why he would let us go through such bad and difficult times, but God knows that when He puts these things all in His order, they always work for good!

We just have to trust Him and, eventually, they will all make something wonderful!" God is crazy about you. He sends you flowers every spring and a sunrise every morning.

Whenever you want to talk, He'll listen. He can live anywhere in the universe, and He chose your heart. If you like, send this on to the people you care about. I did. Hope your day is a "piece of cake!"

current mood: loved

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Wednesday, November 16th, 2005
3:53 pm - "Remember that every good friend was once a stranger"
"Never explain yourself. Your friends don’t need it and your enemies won’t believe it."

^^^That is a lesson i learned just today. Why are people so jumpy? Why do i get into trouble for being protictive? I thought as a friend i was supposed to watch out for my friends..right? Or have i just been sadly mistaken these last 13 years?


"A friend is someone who can see the truth and pain in you even when you are fooling everyone else."

^^^Here is another lesson well said and learned to day. Why are so many people blind to those whom they call "friends" and thier feelings? Well when this friend of mine is upset i am the first one to do something about it and the first to get in trouble for doing something about it!? Is that right?? I am tierd of taking up for this person if everytime in return i get into trouble. HOW CAN YOU PEOPLE BE SO BLIND NOT TO SEE THEY NEED HELP??

"A true friend is someone who is there for you when they would rather be someplace else."

^^^Tell me about it....why do i waste my time takeing up for this person when i would rather be somewhere else. Because i love them (in a christ like way) and i know they would do the same for me (i think they would anyway)


And to all whom doubted me read this:

Friends. A simple word isn't it? It's uttered everyday to almost every person imaginable. Who are your friends? I used to think that friends were the people that you could laugh and talk to. Now I know that friends aren't that, they're the people that touch ur heart. You could spend hours with them doing nothing at all and it can be the best time of your life, just becuase it was with them. They're the people you can
share your secrets with, cry with, laugh with, and just have fun with. They don't judge you or make you change. They accept you exactly as you are. They look at you and they see a great person, one they love spending time with. You all share something in common and are tied together by memories, tears, laughs and smiles. You're tied together by love for the other. Friendship is the strangest but greatest thing in the world. I find my time with my friends, the best times of my life. My friends are my heart, my soul, my fun, my laughter, tears, love and my life.


It was once said that friends are the most imporent ingrediant in life, i belive to many people are leaving it out.


"The greatest love a person can have for his friends is to give his life for them." - John 15:13


"And I'm still here, waiting here, to catch you if you fall. I don't know why I care so much when they say shouldn't care at all."
^^thats how i feel^^


Love ya tonz-Cleo

current mood: maybe i should back off?

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6:19 am - ALABAMA vs. AULBRAN
Frist off this Saturday is the BIG game that i WON'T miss!! My dad said i MIGHT get to have some friends over to watch the game YAY!! I know just the people too! :)

Next....have you ever known someone that just got under your skin and you just don't know why? grrrrr.....i HATE that... anywho thats beside the point!

i hope the storm didn't hurt anyone last night

I talk to Christina and Emily and JAcob last night

Christina was really hyper and didn't figure out till the middle of our convo. that i had her on speaker phone because i was on my cell phone in the car lol Emily was herself (thats crazzy) lol jk and Jacob was his self ....i guess Christina was to she always acts like that lol

I AM BOARD!!!!!

I CAN'T WAIT TILL THE GAME :)

LOVE YOU ALL-JESSICA, CHLOE, CLEO , CLEOPATRA(SPL), PANKY(??)

current mood: i can't wait

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